


The Great Zombie Invasion of 2001

by Netgirl_y2k



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Crack, Gen, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-18
Updated: 2009-11-18
Packaged: 2017-10-03 06:28:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Netgirl_y2k/pseuds/Netgirl_y2k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Yes, they're--" they reached Josh's office, and he closed the door on Donna, cutting off whatever fascinating fact she'd been about to tell him about zombies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Zombie Invasion of 2001

"Zombies," announced Donna Moss, as she scurried up to meet Josh Lyman on his way in to his office in the morning.

"Excuse me?"

"Zombies, Josh," she repeated, and handed him the morning briefing folder.

"What about them?" Josh asked, in a tone that quite correctly implied that he hadn't been listening to a word his assistant had said.

"There are zombies in Ireland."

"Oh, really," murmured Josh. He flipped through the briefing folder, which was not about zombies, but was instead about banana imports from South America.

"Yes, they're--" they reached Josh's office, and he closed the door behind him, cutting off whatever fascinating fact Donna had been about to tell him about zombies.

*

Josh had a good morning. He singularly failed to fall asleep in a briefing about banana imports from South America, the president congratulated him on a policy initiative he'd been overseeing, and he shouted at three separate Republican staffers.

When he saw Donna again at lunch she still seemed to have a bee in her bonnet about this whole zombie situation.

"They're eating brains. They've reached mainland Britain and they're eating brains," she said, stabbing an artichoke heart with a plastic fork.

Josh snagged up a crispy french fry. "The President did mention that he had kind of a weird conversation with the British Prime Minister this morning."

"Did she mention wanting to eat his brain?"

Josh shrugged. "When doesn't she?"

*

"Josh," Sam called, poking his head around Josh's door. "You don't know anything about zombies in France, do you?"

"No."

"'Kay," Sam's head was withdrawn.

"Hang on," Sam's head reappeared. "Donna said something earlier about zombies in the UK, ask her."

"'Kay."

*

"Josh," said CJ.

"Josh," said Toby. 

Josh looked up from his paperwork, he hated it when they tag teamed him like this.

"CJ's been getting questions," Toby began.

"About the... y'know."

"Zombies," Toby finished, on the off chance that Josh didn't know

"What have you told them?" Josh asked CJ.

"Other than that the ACLU believe zombie is a pejorative term, nothing."

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"Come with us to see Leo,” said Toby. “He's got to take this to the President."

"Oh, alright," Josh agreed. After all, there would still be bananas in South America tomorrow.

*

As soon as Leo walked into his office everyone started talking at once.

"Alright, alright, shut up." He took a seat at his desk and rubbed his forehead. "Sometimes with you people I long for something to come along and eat my brain."

At that there was another flurry of conversation.

"One at a time. One at a time."

*

Eventually Leo agreed to let them take the zombie situation to the president. So Leo, Josh, Sam, CJ, Toby and Donna waited in the Oval Office for their boss to arrive.

"Okay people, this morning the British Prime Minister said she wanted to eat my brain, and as much as I like Prime Minister Grady I don't think Abbey would be too happy about that."

The president took his seat behind the desk and looked at them expectantly. Leo, CJ, Toby and Sam looked expectantly at Josh, and Josh looked expectantly at Donna.

"Well, Mr President..." Donna began.

The president listened attentively for a few moments and, after establishing that their biggest expert concerning the current crisis was Donna, sent them all off to gather some more intelligence.

*

The Joint Chiefs wanted to know if any of the zombies were American.

The Surgeon General speculated that it might be a virus of some kind.

The Vice President wanted to know if his evacuation from Paris could be fast tracked, please.

The ACLU coined the term 'Undead American.'

Several Republican members of Congress suggested that the zombie crisis was a result of America's tolerance of homosexuals and abortion.

And Donna pointed out that they were actually none the wiser from when she'd first raised the issue of zombies with Josh that morning.

*

"The President wants to see us again," Donna told Josh.

"Okay," Josh said, following Donna and trying to think up something more intelligent to say to the president than_”zombies, huh.”_

Outside the oval they met Leo, Toby, CJ and Sam. Josh could tell by the looks on their faces that they'd all uncovered as little actual information as he had.

One by one they filed into the Oval Office. The president's head was bowed over his desk as he signed papers with a flourish. The staff looked at each other, silently arguing over who was to speak first.

The president looked up. His eyes focused on a spot just below Josh's hairline.

"Braaaaiiiins," he said.

*

“Is this in the constitution?" Toby asked, as they all pelted hell for leather through the communications bullpen.

Josh didn't answer, mainly because he was still reeling from seeing Donna dispatch a zombie using nothing but her plastic salad fork.

"I mean," Toby continued, as they reached the counsels offices, "can you have a president removed from office for being undead?"

Josh grabbed a chair from a nearby desk and threw it behind them where it caught an oncoming zombie in its midsection, sending it tumbling to the ground.

"Woo hoo!" Josh stopped and gave himself a cheer, Donna and CJ caught an arm each and dragged him along behind them.

Toby was arguing with Sam about the legality of ending a presidential term just because the president in question wanted to eat your brain as they bolted down the stairs, through the main foyer and out into the fresh air.

*

"You used to mock Wisconsin," Donna said.

"I remember," Josh replied. They were sitting with their backs against the damp wall of the Wisconsin hunting shack. They were facing a window which would have provided them with a glorious view of the surrounding countryside had their first act upon arriving not been to board up all the windows and doors.

"I bet if you asked the American public for their top ten states to wait out a zombie attack Wisconsin would be right up there."

"We should do a poll, we could get Joey Lucas to run it."

"We've just got to wait out the zombie apocalypse first." Donna's head slipped onto Josh's shoulder.

"Yeah," Josh agreed, wrapping his arm round Donna and pulling her close.

"Josh?"

"Mmm?"

"The First Lady tried to eat my brain, that's kind of an honour, right?”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [When the World Ends I Hope You're Here With Me (the 2014 remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1553687) by [NEStar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NEStar/pseuds/NEStar)




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